Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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