so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
