Me too!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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