i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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