i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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