there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
