Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
