I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
