the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
