just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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