ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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