he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
