white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
