i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
