Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
