he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
