He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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