my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
