Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
