bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
