Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
