I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Panties = found
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
