he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
