this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Farmville is her only friend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
