Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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