She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
