if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
