Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
