he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
