im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
