We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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