drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
