i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
