I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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