I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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