took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
