oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
