but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
