dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
