You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
