thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
