she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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