the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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