I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
