The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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