I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
