Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
