i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You smell like stripper and shame
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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