i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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