i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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